My kids

Ramon and Carlos

Written Thursday Feb. 21, 2008

Looking through my pictures of my students I am filled with this incredible love. Its an insane feeling of love…so strong that it makes my heart feel like it will burst. It’s a feeling of a totally complete fullness of love.

Today I was sitting at the teachers desk…which is a rare occurrence cause normally I am chasing someone around the class room or rushing from desk to desk trying to answer questions. They had a math test today and I told them that after the test it needed to stay quiet and they could work on a picture until the next class period. I was actually really amazed at how good they were. I mean it was not perfect…about 6 of my boys were actually writing sentences cause they were running around the class before the test. But anyway back to the story…so I was sitting in my desk and I looked around and for once every single one of my students where in their desk as well…and working on their test or picture or sentence or something it did not really matter what they were doing I was just so impressed that they were actually listening to what I had said…and I just watched them. I looked at them so intent on what they were doing and all I could do was smile because I realized how much I love them.

And they love me to…as crazy as it is…even this week when I have felt like I have had to be such a mean teacher trying to get my class room under control…and some times I even get ¨Miss you are bad¨ because they are not happy with me for making them write sentences because they are not obeying the rules or that I won’t let them go the bathroom the second I walk in the door. Even when I think they hate me…it is still guaranteed that every time I walk into a class I will have at least 3 students run up and rap there arms around my waist for a hug. And just today I received two pictures telling me that I was a great teacher and that they loved me. It makes me feel good to know that they still love me even when I feel like I have to been so mean.

Looking through my pictures this evening and feeling so full of love…I also realize how hard it is going to be to leave here in 4 months. To think that I wont be here next year to teach them, or play with them, or joke around and laugh with them.

Today I started talking funny trying to get my students to actually listen to me in science and Angel says ¨Miss you are a cowboy¨…he has said this before so I’m thinking that the only other voice I can do must sound pretty hickish…probably cause I come from Walla Walla. Oh and that’s another thing! My students love to say Walla Walla. They think it is the funniest name in the world. I have a green water bottle that says Walla Walla University and it happens quite frequently that one of them will see it and start saying it and before I know it the whole class is saying Walla Walla and cracking up. There are just so many fun moments that I have with my students that I know I am going to miss so much next year.

Ay the mix of emotions I have had this week! So ready to go home and tired of everything, feeling like my students don’t even care and just wanting to give up…and at the same time realizing that when I have to leave how heart breaking it will be.

Written Friday Feb. 22, 2008 11am

Yep more crazy emotions! I am so mad and frustraited with this school and the administration and the counsellors. Its all a bunch of crap! But I have to teach soon so I dont have time to go into it...there will be another blog about this all soon though.