So its my last full day of teaching...I dont know how to feel...the mixed emotions are enough to drive a person crazy.
Tomorrow is Thursday but I only teach two classes cause we are taking both 3rd grade classes to Pizza Hut to celebrate the end of the year. Then Friday I will only have two classes as well cause we get out of school early to meet with the parents.
All next week we just place exams. The kids will leave by 11am.
Its weired. Its like the end is here and insight...and at the same time it feels so far away still...it does not feel real. Sometimes I feel like it cant come fast enough and I wish I was leaving today...but then at other times I am on the verge of crying just thinking about leaving.
Last week I was teahing in 3A just before lunch...the bell rings and all my kids go running outside. As I step out of the class room I am grabed by Ramon from 3B...he hugs me tight and says is it ture Miss. I ask him what cause I really have no idea what he is asking about. He says that you leave and go back to Walla Walla Washington (They love to say Walla Walla Washington...they think it is such a funny name). I asked him who said this...partly trying to stall actually answering him...I did not really get an answer that I could understand from him and then I tell him yes it is true I have to go home...that is where my family is and I have to finish scool myself. He just hugs me tighter and looks up at me and says no Miss I dont want you to go...and then he hopps away to go get his lunch. I had to fight back the tears as I walked to the teachers lounge. I dont want to leave him either is the thing...I dont want to leave any of my students...but as I think about him hopping off to get his lunch I know that he will be okay...and I will as well.
I got a myspace commet from one of my freinds today in response to my quote on my myspace page..."When they said Disneyland was the happiest place in the world...they really meant Walla Walla" she said its true that happiness can be found in walla walla (and other places, too). Its true! We can find happiness anywhere! Or as my mom always says...happiness is a choice. It used to dive me nuts...but in many aspects I have realy found that to be true.
Much love!
Mindy
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
My creative side
I went to get coffee this week during one of my free periods and sat down at one of the tabels in the mall, feeling kind of melancholy I started writing on my napkin...and this is what came out...
Life
What is life?
When all you want is more
When waking up in the morning becomes the hardest thing you ever have to do
What is wrong with this place...
This world we call home
Certainly this is not what was meant to be
There has to be more
I know there is more
Thank God this is not my home
But also thank God this journey is not over yet
There is still more...
More to learn...
More to see...
More to do...
More to say...
Yes there is still so much more.
This is life!
Life
What is life?
When all you want is more
When waking up in the morning becomes the hardest thing you ever have to do
What is wrong with this place...
This world we call home
Certainly this is not what was meant to be
There has to be more
I know there is more
Thank God this is not my home
But also thank God this journey is not over yet
There is still more...
More to learn...
More to see...
More to do...
More to say...
Yes there is still so much more.
This is life!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Crash
I was watching the movie crash the other night. If you have not seen this movie it is a must! I have seen it many times and I still just love this movie. The part that hit me last night is when Sandra Bullocks character is talking to her friend on the phone about how angry she is. She says she is angry and all the time and she does not even know why. This got me because it was not more than just a few weeks ago that I was feeling this way. I could not pin point any reason for my anger...it was just there...I would get frustrated with the other missionaries here, I was so angry at the administration, angry at this country of Honduras and the culture of these people, I was angry that I was teaching at a bilingual school of rich kids, and this then made me mad at God. Why had he brought me here to Honduras! Why did this have to be my year as a SM. I did not feel like I was making a difference in this world.
Now I don't feel like this anger anymore...maybe this is partly due to the fact that I only have 21 more days here. But I just find it interesting how this happens. How can someone get this angry? How does this emotion take over our lives like that? The movie just made me think about this...so I thought I would share.
Now I don't feel like this anger anymore...maybe this is partly due to the fact that I only have 21 more days here. But I just find it interesting how this happens. How can someone get this angry? How does this emotion take over our lives like that? The movie just made me think about this...so I thought I would share.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Just another day in paradise?
This is a semi-revised journal entery for the other night...
I wake up every morning tired and exhausted from a partial night sleep where I toss and turn all night long. Partly form the heat and partly from random dreams, that seem to haunt my sleep. Dreams about home, dreams about here in Hondruas, dreams about friends…and just random dreams. I hit the snooze button at least 2 times each morning and just make it up in time to shut if off before the next alarm goes off. I shuffle my way to the bathroom where I plug in and turn on my straightener and put on my uniform…what color depends on the day. Shirts off white, maroon, gray, blue, or red. Pants black or kaki. I place my keys around my neck and my watch on my wrist and then open my door to go to the kitchen where my roommates are already making themselves breakfast and packing a lunch. As a person who hates mornings and a over all selfish human being I dream of having the house to myself at these early hours…but that is not the case so I try to be as nice as possible, sometimes this means I just don’t say anything at all. If I had this year to do over again I think I would splurge and buy that coffeepot I so often thought about. I think that would have made life a little better for everyone. But now with only 3 and a half weeks left its just not worth it.
The walk to school is filled with small talk between one or two other missionaries. By the time I have reached the school I am already hot and sweaty because the humidity is so bad. I swear the sun is hitting us straight on. Its just not right to be sweating before 7am! Then its off to a quick staff worship…its all in Spanish, a language I have learned to tune out quite well in large group settings. That is I really only understand Spanish when it is spoken directly at me in slow easy vocabulary…and even then it can be sketchy…and my answers in return seem to be limited to bien, bueno, si, no or siemprie. Its not that I have not learned other words but my brain just seems to freeze up when I have to speak.
After that the day seems to screech by in a torcherous blur of class after class of hyper, screaming, fighting kids. Don’t get my wrong…I love them to death but man they wear me out and I just wish they would be quiet for two seconds. I have figured out how to keep most of them in their seats for the most part but dang these kids have lungs on them.
Afternoons zip by way to fast with grading, errands, dinner and other chores. At the end of the day when I reflect on how it was...the things that I realize that make my day worth while are the hugs and laughs I had with my students. These next three weeks I want to remember this and take advantage of all the hugs and laughs I can have with my kids. I know they are what is going to make this place heartbreaking to leave. It really is true that as a missionary you come to teach but in reality you really are the one learning the most.
I wake up every morning tired and exhausted from a partial night sleep where I toss and turn all night long. Partly form the heat and partly from random dreams, that seem to haunt my sleep. Dreams about home, dreams about here in Hondruas, dreams about friends…and just random dreams. I hit the snooze button at least 2 times each morning and just make it up in time to shut if off before the next alarm goes off. I shuffle my way to the bathroom where I plug in and turn on my straightener and put on my uniform…what color depends on the day. Shirts off white, maroon, gray, blue, or red. Pants black or kaki. I place my keys around my neck and my watch on my wrist and then open my door to go to the kitchen where my roommates are already making themselves breakfast and packing a lunch. As a person who hates mornings and a over all selfish human being I dream of having the house to myself at these early hours…but that is not the case so I try to be as nice as possible, sometimes this means I just don’t say anything at all. If I had this year to do over again I think I would splurge and buy that coffeepot I so often thought about. I think that would have made life a little better for everyone. But now with only 3 and a half weeks left its just not worth it.
The walk to school is filled with small talk between one or two other missionaries. By the time I have reached the school I am already hot and sweaty because the humidity is so bad. I swear the sun is hitting us straight on. Its just not right to be sweating before 7am! Then its off to a quick staff worship…its all in Spanish, a language I have learned to tune out quite well in large group settings. That is I really only understand Spanish when it is spoken directly at me in slow easy vocabulary…and even then it can be sketchy…and my answers in return seem to be limited to bien, bueno, si, no or siemprie. Its not that I have not learned other words but my brain just seems to freeze up when I have to speak.
After that the day seems to screech by in a torcherous blur of class after class of hyper, screaming, fighting kids. Don’t get my wrong…I love them to death but man they wear me out and I just wish they would be quiet for two seconds. I have figured out how to keep most of them in their seats for the most part but dang these kids have lungs on them.
Afternoons zip by way to fast with grading, errands, dinner and other chores. At the end of the day when I reflect on how it was...the things that I realize that make my day worth while are the hugs and laughs I had with my students. These next three weeks I want to remember this and take advantage of all the hugs and laughs I can have with my kids. I know they are what is going to make this place heartbreaking to leave. It really is true that as a missionary you come to teach but in reality you really are the one learning the most.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
April 20 (Birthday Photos) 21 years old!
So I have been meaning to post these for a few weeks now. But better late than never I guess. My birthday was on Sunday so I will admit that it was nice not to have to teach. We had Apple Pie with dinner (thanks to Karen) to celebrate my birthday. The next day my 3B students suprissed me with a birthday cake! My freind Julio gave me a Honduras Selection Jersey for my birthday. Stacy made me an amazing breakfast! Anyway you´ll see these pictures down bellow.
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